I know having a birth as bad I did is very rare, but we do exist.

Woman giving birth
Hi ladies, does anyone else feel like you weren't aware of how incredibly hard pregnancy and labor can be to your body?

ALSO READ: Pregnancy: Nine Months of Changes

I have been thinking for a while about something that has crossed my mind quite often - how many times while enduring the pain of recovering from my catastrophic labor I felt like I was "tricked" to have children, which I know isn't true but I felt that before I actually got pregnant, nowhere was I told how destructive labor can be and that pregnancy can be 9 months in hell, not a beautiful thing. Just, why we don't talk about it? I guess what really bothers me was how horribly uneducated I was about pregnancy and labor-and this comes from a university-educated woman.

No one - absolutely no one told me before my pregnancy that my birth could end up being a diabolic experience with fourth-degree tears (I don't know if I translated that correctly, sorry, English isn't my native language), my flesh being cut from anus to vaginal hole, that we would need the assistance of a vacuum. That I could end up having multiple surgeries trying to give back my ability to hold my feces, that it would take 14 months for me to be able to have sex with my husband again, and even after that the sex would never be the same. I have suffered from horrible PPD and the feeling that my sex life and body had been robbed from me made me really angry, sad, and bitter for a long time. My marriage has suffered from the fact that I couldn't have an intimate connection with my husband. The worst part is that even my super patient husband made me feel that I was being selfish or that it was my choice at some points - even though he knew perfectly well what had happened and had talked to all my doctors. My husband's best friend made a tasteless joke about our lack of sex while he was drunk, one that made clear how he and obviously my husband thought that he was the victim of that situation and I was to blame.
I know having a birth as bad I did is very rare, but we do exist. I am not a unicorn, I meet other mums of young children every day and all the subjects we discuss are something I would have never known before. How so many ladies (even with minor tears) can have problems holding pee, how common it is to have at least some tearing, how hard it can be to start sex life after labor, how everything your body from your breast to the feet size can change shape, how nobody prepared for nauseous you can feel through the pregnancy, how your belly can look a bowl of oatmeal 3 years after giving birth to your third child, how breastfeeding can be painful and hard instead of being a beautiful bonding experience... The worst one is definitely one of my best friends whose birth was so excruciating torture she went into psychosis (again, extremely rare but she was never even discussed about the possibility, even though she had a heavy risk factor from her mother's side). Fortunately, she recovered because she received immediate professional care and is a wonderful and dedicated mother, but she still refuses to talk about it even with me. It is that shameful and horrible to her.

I quite often feel like we don't discuss the possible side effects of something that is so common not nearly enough- most of the stories in mainstream news feeds are raving about mothers 'kanungo', we don't really see how pregnancy and labor can change drastically the bodies even of those mothers who take care of themselves, and how it is normal to have a different body afterward. And that is only about looks, not to mention real-life stories about what labor and pregnancy can really be about.

Should we start educating children on the school about what labor and pregnancy can do to your health and body, what is your opinion?

SEE: 9 things that doctors will never tell you about your vagina after giving birth
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