Dead bedroom—The One Problem Couples Have That No One Talks About


Dead bedroom


A "dead bedroom" relationship is the situation two partners find themselves in when they've stopped having sex and being intimate. Aside from the fact that you aren't getting laid, there's an emotional toll that "dead bedroom" relationships take on those involved. Your anxiety is raised, your patience wains more than it ever has before, and you're generally confused as to how your relationship has gotten to this point. Despite how hard it is to talk about it, below are some of the statements made by different people about what life is like in a dead bedroom relationship.

Bleeding.
I emotionally bled out these last two years. Looking into solutions, going to my own therapy, couple’s therapy, asking for hormone panels, asking him to go to his own therapy, I tried pursuing, I tried withdrawing, I tried licking his toes because he said it helped. I literally tried everything... Because I love him. But what I didn't realize was he wasn't willing to meet me half way…

Only best friends.
We're only best friends... If we really were lovers... We'd have sex. Passionate, primal, intimate, lustful, whatever the f***, s e x. "It appears to be pretty cool, peering into the window of our relationship- having a sleepover with your biggest bro every night …I don't want to be with someone who could be my best friend, I can find a best friend to fill that void. What I really need, in all honesty, is to be f***ed…

Empathy.
One of my biggest strengths is also one of my biggest faults. It's empathy, which is a good thing, but I now recognize that I am overly empathetic. I have allowed it to marginalize my own needs and feelings to the point of damaging myself. I allowed excessive empathy for my husband's ED to result in the death of all forms of intimacy…

Trying.
I've been trying not to take it personally, but the constant "no" seems to be wearing on me a bit. I have tried to bring up some of our problems in an open way, just trying to discuss what is happening in our relationship, how he feels about it, and some ways I can make him more comfortable or remedy the situation, but every time I bring it up he gets upset and offended…

What to say.
I don't know what to say? I guess I was hoping he would have a little more fight for us than 'whatever you want to do' and it feels like one more painful tiny thing on top of a thousand paper cuts. If the ball was ever in my court truly, then the balls would, you know, metaphorically have been in my court multiple times, in and out, you gather…

Sad.
So today I'm (Fhl) sitting on the sofa next to my SO (Mnl) horny as hell. It's been a year. I'm wanting to jump his bones but knowing I have an almost 100% possibility of being rejected and if he were to consent there would be little to no foreplay and it would leave me frustrated. Now I'm sad and pissed off…

Distrust.
This has really hit me hard with my self-esteem and trust. I feel like she's seeing someone else. Hopefully, the jealousy doesn't stick long…

Illness and surgeries.
He insists he wants me but is unable to act out on it. He is having difficulty performing which is entirely understandable and I really don't expect him to be able to be like years ago. His recovery has been very challenging. I realize that sex is not his top priority and he needs to heal…

No closure.
It lasted three years until I finally ripped off the band-aid. And yet even after the relationship ended, I still feel the pain brought about by the dead bedroom...

Not a good solution.
I've killed nearly all sexual feelings. That is my way of dealing with my sexless marriage. I feel nothing at all towards the opposite sex/same sex. No attraction at all...

Baggage.
I am still depersonalizing after sex. I made the mistake of telling my husband that during sex months ago, a certain way he moved upset me and now he feels bad. Openness for us is hard because I feel it provides him with baggage...

Parental advice.
My parents recently pulled me aside to talk to me about the relationship that I've had for the past 1.5 years. He told me that since my mother is in her early 50s, she has started menopause and her libido has taken a nosedive. To make things short, it has been causing a lot of heartache between them…

What?
It's the stability, willingness and overall healthy attitude that sex is both valid and necessary for a healthy relationship that people bring in to starting a family that is the biggest determining factors…

Why stay?
I stay for deep love. We both have mutually sacrificed for each other to build something great. He has stuck by me in sickness and health. I still have attraction for him. There is a deep relationship history, and shared slightly unconventional values about family/children and religion/politics.

Loneliness.
True, she didn't have sex with me much. Once a month was going well. But I still miss her…

Dead Bedroom? See Possible ways to keep the passion alive with a little effort!
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