Couple mad at each other

When you get married to a man, the first realization should be for you to admit that you are married to his family as well. Most women find this difficult to admit; we wish we could just have our husband and kids to ourselves (if only wishes were horses…) the implication of this doesn’t dawn on you until relatives start to interfere with the running of your home.

Sometimes it is difficult to see this interference as an act of love, you just feel they are trying to impose their lifestyle on you or worse still, you feel they are trying to bring you down. You might have a mother-in-law who believes her method of cooking stew is the best for your husband or that you shouldn’t give your baby pacifiers. The list is endless really… and some of us have had our fair share of this.

The best place to start is to admit that your nuclear family and your husband’s nuclear family (at least) are now a part of your family and you cannot avoid them. So here’s how to handle the blending of your wider family into your home.

Set the rules

You and your husband need to jointly agree on what to involve your families in and what not to share with them at all. You both need to present a unified front so it becomes difficult for anyone to penetrate your union.

Communicate your concerns with love

When you feel that the interference is getting to you, you need to inform your spouse about this in a manner that does not depict that you are rejecting his family. Unfortunately, most men have been programmed to believe that their wives will only ever see the glass half full when it comes to his family.

Don’t report your spouse to relatives

No matter what transpires in your marriage, it is best NOT to share this with anyone, especially your family. There are peculiar cases where you need to speak up but not for every situation. It is much easier for you to forgive your husband than it is for your parents and siblings to do so. Once you open the door to your marriage to family and friends you will find it difficult to regain the privacy and respect for your marriage and spouse.

Each of you should deal with your direct family’s interference

Let your husband deal with his family while you deal with yours. This calls for some level of native intelligence so that it doesn’t appear as though your partner has asked you to ward them off. Cleverly let your families know where the boundary lines lie.

Remember, even though you want your wider family to be a part of your family there are boundaries you must establish to protect the family you are building with your spouse.

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