How parents make it easier for their kids to be defiled

Man defiling a minor

Sexual abuse among children in our families is now reaching alarming proportions.

According to the data gathered from our research, the first factor is the abused abuser factor. Another factor was that some people said they had poor performance with their peers –this is real data.

Some said it was as a result of poor erectile dysfunction and they were tempted because the children obviously would not laugh at them. However, it is important to state that some people actually make it easier for children to be defiled.

One wonders what has gone wrong with the family fabric. Once upon a time, families were held together with cords of love which could not be broken. There were no sexual relationships within the prohibited confines of blood relations.

In the society we live in today, there are stories doing rounds on social media, newspapers and even in villages, of young children and even toddlers being sexually defiled!

The safety of our children is the sole responsibility of parents. Parenting is a God-given responsibility that we cannot abdicate. It is a responsibility which must be fulfilled.

God designed the family in such a way that both parents have their ‘key roles’ cut out for them. The father takes the lead as the mother helps him. The father must make sure that boys grow up as boys and know that they are different from girls. The mother makes sure that girls grow up as girls and know that they are different from boys.

The word equality does not arise here because it would confuse the children. God, in His eternal wisdom, designed them equal to their purpose. God created both the boy child and the girl child, each with a purpose and for a purpose. In the eyes of the children, such uniqueness of purpose between the boy and the girl child should be seen ‘live’ in the family unit as the children grow up under the care of both parents. The father should demonstrate the ‘father figure,’ role, while the mother should demonstrate the ‘mother figure’ responsibility.

Children should be learning to become parents as they grow up. Do you remember playing 'mum and dad' games when you were little? That was part of the learning process.

The girls should be taught to be always with the mother and/or other girls, whereas the boys are taught to be always with the father and other boys. If for any reason the mother is not present to take care of the girls, she should assign her responsibility to ‘another mother’ in the family or in the neighborhood to take care of her girls until she returns.

There should be nothing to trust the father with to take care of girls because he is not knowledgeable enough to take care of the girls.

It is not about trusting or not trusting, but accepting the fact that the father does not know enough to take care of girls. If he is left in charge of girls, it is assumed that may be, he would not know what to do or he may do wrong things to the girls. Have you heard of something called ‘instinct’? Talk about women instinct, and here it is, right on the spot!

So what is wrong with our families and society today? Why are our children being sexually defiled, even by their own parents? It is not just girls who have trouble with their fathers, boys have their fair share of sexual problems with their mothers. It is just that boys are ‘being taught to be men’ and men do not go round complaining, they should keep it to themselves, or else they won’t be considered man enough.

The real problem today with parenting is not with the children, it is with the parents. Who is parenting the parents on how to parent their children? The State is not doing so. In any case, it is not the responsibility of the State to teach parents how to parent their children.

The idea of leaving children with neighbors is condemnable. Parents are not supposed to leave their precious jewels with any kind of person. Perpetrators don’t just pounce on children, they groom them.

They gain their trust, get their confidence and it can start with something so basic but you will be amazed what that can do to a child over a period of time.

Some people will say why didn’t the child speak up? It’s because the child did not know better and that is the danger we have in sexual violence.

Society most times often blame the victim, even when it is a child. These are the things perpetrators take advantage of and use to groom children.
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