What does it mean to celebrate Valentine’s Day? Maybe you’re already celebrating it right now or waiting to celebrate it later. Maybe you and your partner have something planned or perhaps it’s a surprise! Valentine’s Day can be an amazingly special occasion for two people in love. But before you start to put pressure on yourself and your partner this Valentine’s Day, here are some things to remember.
Have reasonable expectations
It’s great to want nice, fancy things on V-day, but you shouldn’t expect your partner to spend money on things that are way out of their budget. It’s not the price of the gift that matters, it’s about what it represents. A gesture that means something really special to both of you is more valuable than any material item.
Remember your worth
Having a healthy relationship starts with knowing your self-worth, knowing that you should be valued. This doesn’t mean being arrogant and thinking you’re better than your partner. Instead, it’s about knowing that even though neither of you is perfect, you both deserve to be treated with respect, love, and appreciation. Knowing your worth is an essential step to self-empowerment - which means that you’re in a space where you make healthier and more positive choices for yourself.
Talk about how you feel
Ideally, you and your partner should have spoken about how you both feel about Valentine’s Day before the actual day. Not everyone likes to celebrate Valentine’s Day and would rather show how they feel every day. You might find that your partner doesn’t want to celebrate it but you do. You should talk about that, talk about what you’re willing to do in that situation - for example, you could agree that you don’t have to spend money on gifts but you can spend time together. Or maybe your partner likes to go ‘over the top’ and wants to spend the entire day showering you with love but you also want to spend part of the day with your girlfriends - let them know how you feel and work something out between the two of you. It’s much better to openly communicate with each other than to lash out at your partner and risk hurting their feelings. When you speak to your partner, be respectful and understanding - just as they should be with you.
Don’t compare your relationship to anyone else’s
Did you feel like your partner did less for you than other people’s partners did for them? This doesn’t mean that other people’s relationships are better than yours. Remember that your relationship is unique and so is your partner. You should appreciate them today the same way that you would any other day!
Remember that respect is the most important part of a relationship
Having respect for your partner and respect for yourself helps make a relationship work. Respect also goes hand-in-hand with understanding self-worth and communicating effectively within your relationship. Respect your partner enough to know that they love you the best way they know how to, but also respect yourself enough to know when you’re not being treated the way you should be.
Don’t feel pressured into doing something you wouldn’t normally do
The thing with ‘special occasions’, is that it can make you feel pressurized like you have to do something ‘special’. Remember that I’ve spoken to you about sex not being a gift, but rather an experience shared between two people. So don't feel pressured into thinking that you need to give your partner yourself as a present. Just because it’s Valentine’s Day, doesn't mean that you’re more ready today than you were yesterday. If you’re not ready today, it’s perfectly fine to wait - and your partner should respect that. Still, trying to figure out ways to be intimate with your partner without sex?
Have fun, but be responsible
If you are ready to take that first step into a sexual relationship with your partner, and today is the day you’ve both decided to have sex, remember that it’s important to play it safe, always. You can never be too prepared when it comes to knowing safe sex practices, so don’t feel ashamed to have a condom on hand. A partner that wants to be protected as much as you do is one that also cares about your well-being.
Remember that today has more to do with you and your partner than with anyone else. You both need to feel comfortable and respected. So with all this in mind, I wish you a healthy, happy Valentine’s Day!