UNDERSTANDING AROUSAL – WHAT CAUSES WETNESS

UNDERSTANDING AROUSAL – WHAT CAUSES WETNESS

Face it; sex just isn’t as much fun unless you’re wet. In fact, sex can be downright uncomfortable or can even hurt if you’re not wet down there. If you have trouble getting wet, you’re not alone. This happens to some women. It can be frustrating, especially when it seems like guys can get hard with the drop of a hat. The good news is that there are a number of different remedies for getting wet.

WHAT CAUSES WETNESS


While you might know the basics of the sexual response cycle as well as the signs of arousal, which includes vaginas becoming wetter, you may not know precisely how it works.

Many of the symptoms are caused by a rush of blood, which happens throughout the entire body and not just the genitals. In men, this blood creates the telltale sign of arousal: an erection. But it’s not that different for women. The vagina and vulva become engorged with blood and appear swollen, and the clitoris becomes erect as well. All of this is accompanied by genital sensitivity.

However, women differ from men in that blood can’t just cycle back into the body. Your body responds by forcing moisture from blood plasma to leave the body in the form of vaginal lubrication, in a reaction similar to sweating. It’s also believed that the Bartholin glands contribute to this lubrication. The result? Pleasurable wet sex and pressure relief.

What does female arousal fluid look like?

If you’re curious about what it looks like, the answer is, well, wet. It’s often clear; although, it can be a bit milky as it mixes with cervical fluid and secretions from the Bartholin glands. While it may be possible to see this fluid externally, it’s not always noticeable.

The source of this wetness is different from what makes women squirt, in case you were wondering or asking yourself, “Why do girls cream?”

For many women, becoming truly aroused is key to getting wet; although, that’s not the only signal of arousal. As blood rushes to your genitals, you might feel a bit bloated or internally “wet.” A flush spreads over your body, resulting in reddened skin that can make you feel warmer. Your heart will beat faster, and breathing may follow suit.

In fact, when you think about it, wetness isn’t a particularly good signal for arousal by itself, especially internal wetness. The vagina is always moist to an extent, and guys who think they can tell how turned on you are just by inserting a finger are probably wrong!

Still, getting wet isn’t just an indicator of arousal. It enables you to experience penetration, whether from hands, a penis, or a toy, with more ease and comfort. If you’re not properly lubricated, penetration can lead to tiny tears in your vaginal tissue, which makes it easier for you to get an STI or bacterial infection.

And arousal includes vaginal tenting to make room for penetration.

On top of that, being wet lets you have sex longer, which is important if either you or your partner takes a little longer to finish and simply to allow you to enjoy sexual activities.

You almost can’t be too wet (there are some instances where too much lubrication can reduce sensation because there’s not enough friction, but this is not often the case).

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS



FAQ #1 – WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR ME TO GET WET EVEN THOUGH I AM HEALTHY?


Sometimes you can identify specific causes that make it hard for you to self lubricate. But what if that’s not the case? Perhaps you’ve even had a visit to the doctor who could find nothing wrong. Again, check out our article about what might be preventing you from getting wet. It’s especially important to consider the roles that stress and your relationship play in arousal and getting wet naturally.

However, if you really can’t identify any factors that might be making it hard to get wet for your man, don’t fret. Some women simply produce less natural lubrication, can’t get wet fast, or have trouble staying wet longer. This is how it is for some women and if you’re one of them, you can always try lube.

This can change throughout your menstrual cycle and lifetime, too. Events that cause significant hormonal changes such as childbirth or breastfeeding may affect how wet you get. Again, this is normal, and lube can help.

Mindfulness, which we’ve discussed above, might help you connect your body and mind so that they’re in sync when it comes to arousal. Mindfulness can increase lubrication as well as sexual response and decrease arousal discordance.

FAQ #2 – WHY DON’T I GET REALLY WET EVEN WHEN I AM IN THE MOOD?


When it comes to arousal, there’s physical and mental arousal. Physical includes swelling, blood flow to the genitals, and lubrication while mental means wanting sex. When the two work together, it’s known as sexual or arousal concordance. When physical and mental arousal aren’t in sync, it’s known as arousal discordance or noncondordance.

Women experience less arousal concordance than men, which means that your bodies and minds are less often on the same page when it comes to arousal. However, women still experience a high degree of agreement between measured and reported arousal.

When men are physically aroused (erect), they tend to feel mentally aroused. But a woman can feel mentally aroused and not be wet, even if the stimulus is nonhuman! The opposite can also happen, too: a woman can feel physically aroused and wet but not be in the mood for sex. Research into arousal finds that the mental arousal states reported by women don’t always match the results produced by devices that measure the genital response (both vaginal and clitoral concordance can be measured.

One theory is that women may be less aware of the physical response produced by their bodies than men who are aware of more signs of arousal, and at least one study finds that women whose physical and mental arousal aligns have greater orgasm consistency.

FAQ #3 – WHAT DO I DO IF MY PARTNER THINKS SOMETHING IS SOMETHING IS WRONG (WITH ME) IF I CAN’T GET WET?


Your partner might struggle if you’re unable to get wet. It’s easy for partners to take this personally and assume it means you’re not attracted to them or even that they’re not good lovers. This is an easy assumption to make if their previous partners have gotten wet easily or even if your partner misunderstands the difference between vaginal discharge and self-lubrication.

In some cases, a lack of foreplay or attention to your needs and desires may impact your body’s ability to become aroused and how much pleasure you experience. If that’s the reason, you can work toward increasing sexual activities and the length of play to allow your body to become fully aroused and get your vagina wet.

However, that isn’t always the case. There are plenty of times when the reason you cannot get wet has nothing to do with him. For instance, you might take life-saving medication that makes your vagina dry. If you can name the reason and explain it to your partner, he might realize it isn’t a judgment of him or his performance and has nothing to do with how much you’re attracted to him.

But sometimes you might not know why you can’t get wet naturally, even if you’ve spent time investigating or talked about it with your doctor. Remember, that levels of self-lubrication vary not just between women but across each woman’s lifetime. It’s not a huge deal if you’re not super wet. Just use some lube.

And if your partner refuses to use a sexual aid that will make things better for both of you or makes you feel bad about your body’s sexual performance? Maybe he doesn’t deserve to have sex with you!

FAQ #4 – WHAT DOES IT MEAN IF I USED TO BE ABLE TO GET WET WITHOUT PROBLEMS BUT NOW STRUGGLE?


There are a few reasons why this can happen. Anything to do with your hormones could be the culprit, especially pregnancy and menopause. Conditions, where your hormones are imbalanced, can impact your sex life. Thyroid disorders are just one example.

Arousal and sexual enjoyment also have a complicated interplay with relationship satisfaction. If your relationship is on the rocks, chances are your sex life will take a hit, too.

Have you experienced a recent increase in stress? Or perhaps you’ve been dealing with some low-level stress over time, and it’s finally beginning to impact you. Stress can affect arousal (physical signs, including becoming wet) and desire as well as how you experience sexual pleasure.

Maybe your relationship with yourself has changed, and you’re struggling with confidence or body image.

Medication, including birth control, may also be the culprit.

Look for life changes, and you may find the answer to this question. Don’t assume that any factor would only affect you outside the bedroom. Our bodies do not compartmentalize that way. It’s all connected.

But sometimes there isn’t any apparent reason.
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