Healthy and safe way couples can handle anger


Couple mad at each other
Anger feelings are inevitable in marriage in that two people have chosen to share their lives thus giving up some of their separateness and independence. How the couple handle anger will, to a large extent, determine their happiness and success.

Anger is a normal human emotion and is as much a part of us any emotion or other function of our body. It is the natural emotional response to frustration and uncertainty and conveys a message telling us that something is wrong. Anger is not so much an attack as it is a cry for needs to be met, rights to be noticed, and for the relationship to be redefined. When couples get angry they are basically saying that they love the other person too much to let frustration destroy the relationship.

The opposite of love is, therefore, not anger, but apathy and disinterest. How the couples handle the symptom of hunger then is vitally important. Either they will constructively handle the anger by interpreting its real meaning, or they will let it erode their love.

The more healthy and safe way to approach anger is to accept it as a normal part of one’s spectrum of emotions; express the emotion directly by putting the feelings into words; and, finally, discuss ways of dealing directly with the frustration which has precipitated the emotion. When this can be done without condemning or attacking the other person a feeling of mutual co-operation is created in which to resolve the crisis.
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